For the Love of Nargles Part III
by The Golden Duo 22
Summary: RemusHermioneSirius - A visit from Fred and George leads to an interesting evening at Grimmauld Place. Can Remus, Hermione and Sirius finally uncover the source of the mysterious scratching? Part 3 of 5.


_**Authors Note:**__ Welcome once again dear friends to another instalment of Nargles. If you aren't our dear friend but are interested in becoming one, we suggest starting at Part One, because this will make a whole lot more sense. But then, who are we to tell you what to do?_

_**Summary:**__ A visit from Fred and George leads to an interesting evening at Grimmauld Place. Can Remus, Hermione and Sirius finally uncover the source of the mysterious scratching?_

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_**For the Love of Nargles – Part III**

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Hermione sat cross legged on the threadbare carpet that covered the overflowing third floor library at Grimmauld Place. The cauldron before her bubbled merrily as she added the final measurement of frozen ashwinder wings and sat back to wait.

Leaning her back against Remus's knees, where he sat in the squishy chair quietly reading behind her, she felt a certain sense of peace. Sirius's soft snores sounded for a moment before he lapsed back in to silence. Both she and Remus looked over at their companion, who took up the large majority of the couch with his feet in Remus's lap, propping up the book, with fond smiles.

Hermione was slowly learning to treasure moments like this, especially after the weekend of debauchery the three had undertaken. A break, some clothes, and somewhere that didn't involve bed linen was a welcome change. In just two short days she had had more action than her poor body had seen in its entire existence. And that included the time spent as Sirius's sole bed partner. With the three of them together it seemed to be never ending.

With a yawn, she wriggled in between Remus's legs, using his thigh as a cushion while she waited for her potion to brew. He closed his book and put it to the side, returning his hands to her heavy hair. She nuzzled his leg with another sigh when he speared his fingers through the curls to massage her scalp lightly.

She would have been quite content to stay that way, had it not been for the fire in front of them turning a brilliant shade of emerald green and two sets of feet, clad in expensive dragon hide boots, stepping out in front of them.

"Well, this is convenient," Fred said with a grin, stepping aside so George, who carried a massive cardboard box, could enter the room.

"Yeah, we didn't even have to go looking for you this time," his brother huffed, practically dropping the heavy box to the floor beside the table where the potion continued to bubble under the cheery bluebell flames Hermione had conjured.

"Well well well, Granger," Fred said, noticing the potion just as his brother did. The powerful contraceptive was unmistakable in its colour and smell. It was a dead give away that she was getting some action from somewhere.

"So it's true then," George said, sharing a pointed look with his brother before they both turned to face the trio on the couch.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Hermione sniffed, though her flushed cheeks told another story.

"We didn't know you had it in you," Fred continued, as if she hadn't spoken.

"Well actually, we did. We just didn't believe Colin," George added with a lecherous grin.

"Colin who?" she squeaked, trying for ignorance, but failing miserably.

"Creevy – you saucy little minx, you. We caught up with him in Diagon Alley while he went to get his camera fixed. He said it got a bit water-logged while he was here with Luna-"

"He said a couple of other interesting things as well-"

"Things we didn't quite believe-"

"Not of our _Maid Marian_," they concluded together as Hermione's flush turned into an all-out blush that would rival any Weasley.

Their little nickname may have been lost on Remus and now Sirius, who had woken to all the noise, but it wasn't lost on her. She would never forget - nor would they let her – about the time during her fifth year when they had cornered her in the library, dressed as Robin Hood. At the time they were stealing from the Slytherins to give to the Gryffindors, but it had taken a good bit of persuading on their part to stop her inner Prefect from turning them in.

"What do you two want?" Sirius growled, annoyed that his sleep had been interrupted once again as he sat up.

"Oh, just some unfinished business with the little lady," Fred said, putting on his best salesman smile.

"I said 'no' last time, and I am saying 'no' again," Hermione said, before he had even put in his pitch.

"Aw, but Granger, we thought you would be more open..." George began, sensing the imminent hexing.

"I don't want what you have in that box. Go and experiment on some other woman," she said, pursing her lips and crossing her arms over her chest.

"But no other woman is as... thorough... in her research as you are. We _need_ you," Fred cajoled, moving to the large box, Hermione's wand, which had been laying idly by her side was pointed directly at his chest before he could touch the lid.

"What's going on?" Remus asked, sensing Sirius's growing impatience at the Twins antics beside him.

"Just a little business proposition. We would be paying her, of course," George explained to the two men who looked ready to hex them as well, and just because Hermione was upset.

"George and I have invented a new line-"

"Specifically with a witch's pleasure in mind-"

"And what witch-"

"Besides our own sister, of course-"

"Do we know with enough balls-"

"So to speak-"

"To thoroughly test them before we put it on the market?"

Hermione gritted her teeth and pulled herself to her feet, using Remus's knees. It wasn't much better, seeing as the Twins still towered over her, but she felt a little better. She turned to look at her lovers, hoping that they would support her in her outright refusal to be apart of the experiment.

"Fred and George have invented a line of sex toys. They want me to test them," she said, expecting anger and outrage at the gall of them.

Sirius sat scratching his chin, contemplating her for a moment with a frown. Remus's eyes shot to the box on the floor, a brow arched in curiosity.

"I've told them a dozen times, _no_," she said, not liking the fact that neither had protested on her behalf immediately.

"Why not?" Sirius asked. "Unless, of course, they blow up mid-use-"

"- which they won't," Fred injected quickly, excitement making him bounce on the balls of his feet.

"We can show you how they work-" George added quickly.

"- to, you know, make sure they don't blow up," Fred said, with a wink in Hermione's direction.

"I think we can manage, boys," Sirius said, sharing a look with Remus, Hermione standing between them fuming.

"Think we can manage _what_, exactly?" she seethed to her raven-haired lover.

His slow, easy half-smirk crossed his face and he didn't need words to convey what he was thinking.

In a last-ditch effort to find some sort of ally in these proceedings, Hermione turned to Remus, hoping that the werewolf would at least have the decency to see if _she_ was interested in the experimentation. Her heart plummeted, however, as she saw his eyes locked on the cardboard box and his head tilted in an innocent curiosity that would have been absolutely adorable had she not been infuriated by their lack of understanding to her plight.

"I don't suppose you'll want a demonstration," Fred asked with a smirk.

Hermione spun around to face them.

"Unless you have some other important information to impart," she said, her body shaking with restrained anger. "I suggest you leave here _immediately_."

"We actually _do_ have some information to impart," George said, though he and his twin were quickly backing away towards the fireplace. Hermione's attention was so focused on George – eyeing him with a look that told him his information better be valid, or else – that she didn't notice Fred taking something out of the pocket of his robes and put it on the floor.

"Well get on with it," she hissed.

"Mum wants you all to come to the Burrow for dinner tonight," Fred said, straightening up just as Hermione's focus shifted to him. "She's throwing a big do 'cuz Charlie's in town."

"What's Charlie doing home?" Sirius asked curiously, standing and stretching as he made his way over to the cardboard box. He was paused, however, by Hermione whipping her wand around to hover over him.

"Er…I think he needed to renew his license with the Ministry," George said. "Forgot to do it by post and since it expires in a week he figured he'd just come by for a bit to see everyone."

"We'll be there," Hermione said, taking her eyes off Sirius for a moment to turn back murderously to the twins. Sirius took the opportunity to skip over to the cardboard box.

"Right! We'll just tell Mum that the three of you will be there," Fred said, grasping for a handful of floo powder from the flower pot on the side of the fireplace.

"I don't suppose we should tell her that you'll be arriving and leaving _together_, should we?" George teased, but found himself ducking as Hermione's stretched patience exploded in a blue-coloured hex that came his way.

"We're leaving! Bye!" Fred shouted, pushing his twin into the fireplace and shouting "_The Burrow!_" They both disappeared in a blaze of green flames before Hermione could get another hex in.

"Oh! Those boys are _infuriating_!" she shouted, spinning around and narrowing her eyes as she saw Sirius peeking into the cardboard box. Remus, who had sat patiently on the couch, seemed to be coming to the end of his tether in terms of his curiosity's self-control, and his knee was bouncing as he restrained himself from standing and walking over to join his best friend.

"What _is_ all this?" Sirius asked as he looked into the box. "_Cough be Gone_, _Bunion Cream, Itch-No-More_…is this their idea of a joke, because it's not a very good one."

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Pick them up," she instructed, knowing she was in a losing battle and motioning for Remus to get up and abate his curiosity. Grinning, he jumped to his feet and joined his two friends.

Sirius reached in and picked up what looked like a bottle of _Cough be Gone_. His eyebrows flew to his hairline as the label changed to read _Tingle Me Softly_. Hermione rolled her eyes again as Sirius's smirk started to spread across his handsome face.

"_Tingle Me Softly_ – Every witch's dream! Get your wizard to spread this on their hands to give you a massage and you'll feel like you have _three_ wizards touching you. Perfect for that adventurous witch who loves to be touched. Warning: contains dragon liver. Do not use if you have heart problems as extreme sensuality may induce heart failure."

Remus arched an eyebrow and looked at Hermione.

"For the adventurous witch who loves to be touched. Sound like anyone we know?"

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"They're not all potions, you know," she grumbled, looking into the box and moving aside the vials to illustrate her point. "They have this one product…aha!"

She reached in and her small hand grasped around something very large and rubbery. Pulling it out with a yank, both wizards eyes widened comically as she sat a huge rubber dildo on the table. The product sat almost fifteen inches erect and the width would make any witch faint at the mere sight of it.

Hermione smirked as she watched a look of unease befall her lovers' faces.

"Yes, it is modelled after something," she continued to tease, enjoying the look of horror on both of their faces. Then she laughed. "This is called Betty."

"Betty?" they both asked, twin frowns on their faces.

"Modelled after Betty the Boa Constrictor."

Sirius held back a smirk.

"The Slytherin mascot?" he asked.

"The very one."

"Really?" Remus asked, looking at the dildo from all angles. "I never saw the Slytherin mascot while I was there…but a lot of the Quidditch matches unfortunately fell around the full moon, so I didn't make it to all of them."

"I only saw it once," Sirius said. "But that involved Amy Collins and we all know Hermione doesn't want to hear about _that_ night."

Hermione smirked.

"I've seen Betty," she said cryptically. "And the dildo doesn't really do her justice. But I suppose it needs to be _useable_."

Sirius was examining it now with curiosity.

"What does it do?" he asked. "I mean…a _real_ one doesn't just sit there."

Hermione tried to hold back laughter as her lovers seemed thoroughly intrigued by the rubber penis.

"I believe once it gets…er…_wet_…it starts to move on its own."

"Oh?" Sirius asked, his eyes starting to sparkle. "Care to give us a demonstration?"

Hermione arched an eyebrow as she sauntered over to him.

"Baby," she said softly. "I can barely take you and Remus, and though I hate to break it to you, neither of you are _that_ big." She smiled slightly as Sirius's eyes flicked once more to Betty and she detected a flash of jealousy in his eyes.

"That's alright, though," she continued, running her hand down his chest to the belt of his jeans. "I'm completely content with the fact that _both_ the men in my life are _thoroughly_ satisfying."

She glanced over her shoulder at Remus and winked, which caused him to smile slightly. Sirius took her momentary distraction to swoop in and kiss her soundly. Hermione gasped in surprise, her fingers tightening on his belt as she gave in. With a chuckle and a shake of his head, Remus walked around the two to see what else the box may contain.

Several various-sized dildos with what he assumed was the same magical ability as Betty; enough small glass vials to fill an apothecary and some scraps of fabric he assumed were costumes, filled the Box of Depravity. Sorting through the mess, he wasn't at all surprised that Hermione had refused upon seeing it. It was all a bit overwhelming to him.

"What's this?" he asked, interrupting the couple who were grinding against each other, Sirius belt half-way pulled from its loops.

Hermione pulled away panting, her eyes shining with undisguised lust, before she took in the small, pink, egg-shaped object being held out to her.

"This," she said, taking out her wand and tapping its slightly rubbery surface, "Is a WonderWitch Pleasure Egg."

The trio looked down at the small, unassuming product as it began to hum and writhe happily in the palm of Remus's hand.

"Don't the muggles have something similar?" Sirius asked, recalling a particular encounter in an empty classroom during OWLs with a girl named Meg, who had shown him the many uses of such an egg.

He had certainly earned that Ravenclaw scarf sitting in his trophy cabinet.

"That's where Fred and George got the idea, but this one is a little more advanced," Hermione explained, still flushed from her heated snog with Sirius.

"How so?" Remus asked, tapping it again with his wand, the egg changing frequency and buzzing in short, sharp bursts now.

"It senses thing about the user. You know, how hard they like it, how close they are. It's sort of hands free..." she trailed off as Sirius's face transformed in to a wolfish grin.

"You've used one of these before, haven't you?" he asked.

Hermione blushed. Despite the fact that she was sleeping with two men, talking about her previous masturbation habits - even if it was over a box of sex toys - was embarrassing. She felt a little like she was revealing her deepest, darkest secret.

"I-well... it was just one time. Fred and George gave me one for my birthday last year, just before they started nagging me to try everything else. I should have known a gift from them was too good to be true," she said, taking the egg from Remus's hand, the pink orb changing to a steady, powerful hum when it touched her palm before she shut it off with a sharp rap from her wand.

"That good, huh?" Remus asked with a grin, enjoying her blush.

"What can I say? They can be very thorough in their research, and it seems to pay off."

"If they can get this stuff on the market they will be enjoying retirement in under a year," Sirius said, moving away from the egg to see what other treasures he could find in the box.

"That is their plan. Although, if Molly ever finds out what they've been up to these last few months..."

"...they will still be growing back a few of their limbs next year instead," Remus finished for her, flopping back down on the couch, his curiosity sated for now. He grabbed Hermione's wrist and pulled her down to his lap, twining her fidgeting fingers with his own.

They watched Sirius sift through the many delights that Hermione still adamantly refused to use, exclaiming as he found something of interest or frowning when something was just a little too out there - even for him. Hermione's smile grew wide when he pulled out what looked like a revolving spice rack, filled with liquids of varying colours.

"What's this?" he asked her, seeing her eyes sparkle.

"Lubricants," she said. "They are a bit like Berty Bott's, minus the nasty surprises."

Sirius spun the rack and watched the colours swirl, thoughtful.

"I wondered what old Snivellus was teaching you kiddies up at Hogwarts these days. Now I know."

Hermione grinned, snuggling back in to Remus as his thumb made lazy circles on the inside of her wrist.

"You don't know how right you are," she murmured.

"What?! Snape's been teaching students to make lubes?!" Sirius cried, outraged.

Hermione dissolved into a fit of giggles, struggling to recover before answering.

"No. Fred and George were having trouble with the base potion made to create it – it smelled nice, but it still wasn't edible – so they went to Snape to ask for help. I think they were just as surprised as I was when they told me. Snape invented a few flavours himself - his name is on the patent and everything."

Remus shook his head behind her, as incredulous as Sirius was in that moment.

"Who would have thought? Severus – making lube in the dungeons."

Hermione smiled and watched as Sirius squirted an experimental dot on the tip of his finger, bringing the pink liquid to his nose to sniff it before poking his tongue out to taste it. He frowned for a moment, rolling the flavour on his tongue. They watched as his face transformed in to a mask of pleasure.

"This is amazing!" he exclaimed. "Like strawberries." He picked up another and walked over to her, pulling one of her hands out from under Remus's and putting a dollop of deep purple potion on her wrist.

Hermione bit her lip and shivered when the pad of his tongue made a broad sweep of her heated skin. Remus's arm tightened around her waist, pulling her closer to him as Sirius knelt in front of her, both hands holding her wrist as he licked it clean.

"Mmm, blueberries."

She sighed when he squirted an orange one just at the bend of her elbow, following an invisible trail to it with his tongue. Remus, who until now had been watching the display, swept her hair to the side and kissed her neck. She tilted her head to the side, allowing him more access as the arm that had been around her waist moved up to gently cup her breasts.

"Peach, I think," Sirius murmured, lapping at the sensitive skin at her elbow and enjoying the sound of Hermione's breathless moans.

Hermione immediately gave in to the two strong, demanding men around her. Though it had sustained an almost-brutal regime of sexual activity, her body still ached for them – her skin still tingling with the slightest touch. And when Remus's lips moved up her neck to catch her lips as Sirius poured a black-coloured dollop on her collarbone, Hermione actually whimpered.

"Liquorice," Sirius growled before nipping at her neck, his hand travelling down her body and into the front of her jeans.

"Oh dear God," Hermione whispered as Sirius's fingers started to tease her sensitive nub, causing her to buck gently under his hands. Remus's had found the edge of her shirt, caressing the soft skin of her stomach before removing her bra, his fingers plucking at her nipples as his lips continued to torture her with slow, lingering kisses.

"I can't…" she groaned as a sharp pinch from Sirius had her body convulsing painfully. "It's too much…"

Sirius slowly pulled his hand away from his lover, licking his fingers and grinning at her. He knew that her body could only take so much. He remembered the first time she had returned from a business trip – having been gone for a full week – and he had dragged her into bed for the full weekend. By Sunday she was so sensitive that a simple touch from him had her back arching and she hated him on Monday because she was so sore.

Needless to say, with _two_ men giving her attention all weekend, he knew they should give her at least an hour to breath and rest her body.

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

Pulling away from her lips, movement from the fireplace seemed to catch Remus's focus. He frowned slightly, unsure what he had seen or if he had seen anything at all. He shook his head, figuring that a weekend's talk of Nargles and all the infernal scratching had him believing their existence and his brain was playing tricks on him.

Then he saw something fly up.

And then the world exploded.

Sirius gave a cry of surprise as Betty – which had been sitting on the table – came flying at him, hitting him heavily on the head. Hermione's eyes widened as a mass of blue came whizzing from all directions. She had barely had time to duck when one of the potions from the box – _Itch-be-Gone_, from the looks of it – came flying past her head, followed by the tell-tale giggling of the winged perpetrators.

"Cornish Pixies," Remus said, pulling Hermione down as Sirius fought off the pixie that was assailing him with the fifteen-inch monster dildo.

"Where the _hell_ did they come from?!" Sirius roared, grasping his wand and throwing an ugly hex at the small creature, causing it to yelp angrily and drop Betty directly on top of Sirius's head.

"I'll give you three guesses, but you're only going to need two," Hermione said loudly as the pixies all started giggling at their fallen companion before going back to whatever mayhem they seemed intent on carrying out.

"I'm going to kill them," Remus growled, his wand clasped tightly as he tried to stun the pixies as they came at him, each armed with a different-sized dildo from the box.

Hermione shouted as four pixies flew at her, and she was only able to stun one of them before the remaining three upended the bubbling cauldron, spilling her contraceptive potion all over the floor and setting the coffee table on fire as the bonnie bluebell flame made contact with the varnished wood.

"We need to get them out of the library," Sirius said as a group of pixies lifted the cardboard box into the air. "You don't want them starting in on these books – trust me."

Wholeheartedly agreeing with her lover, Hermione made a dash for the door, hurdling over the engulfed coffee table as the pixies – who were obviously planning all types of mischief with regards to her now-wild curls – followed, trying to grasp strands of her hair. Sirius followed, leaving Remus to put out the fire as he continued to battle with a particularly precocious pixie who had taken up Betty again and was making mad swipes at the werewolf's shins.

Both Sirius and Hermione realized that – while potentially harmful to leave the pixies cooped up in the library – there was entirely too much space for them to wreak havoc in the nooks and crannies of the rest of Grimmauld Place. They were too late in this realization, however, as the pixies cackled merrily and zoomed out of the library, followed by a bedraggled but otherwise unharmed Remus.

"Duck!" Hermione called, grabbing her lovers' heads and ducking just as the cardboard box flew out of the room, carried by a dozen small pixies.

Sirius groaned.

"As if this house didn't have enough problems," he bemoaned, starting to charge up the stairs to follow the tiny flying pests.

A loud yowling sound made Hermione look down, and her eyes went wide as she saw a pack of pixies stalking Crookshanks with various-sized dildos. Crookshanks was getting backed into a corner and his fur stood on end as he hissed at his attackers. Hermione cried out, casting a stunning spell at her familiar's aggressors, catching the ginger animal as he jumped into her arms for safety.

"Hermione, look out!" Sirius's voice called from several floors up, and Remus quickly caught three WonderWitch Pleasure Eggs that the pixies – in retaliation for Hermione's mass stunning spell – had dropped from two floors up before they landed on her head.

"Thank you," she said breathlessly as he rapped all three sharply to get them to stop buzzing.

He nodded.

"You're welcome."

Their relief was short-lived, however, as a pixie flew up and batted Crookshanks in the head with a dildo. The cat screeched, clawing out of Hermione's arms and darting into a hole that sat in the wall beneath Mrs. Black's portrait – which had briefly joined the melee of noises before a pixie had thrown a WonderWitch Egg at it, effectively shutting her up.

Several pixies made to follow Crookshanks, rubber dildos in tow, before a squeak was heard. Hermione and Remus looked to see two pygmy puffs, both a strange mixture of purple and pink, peeking out of the gap in the wall. One was able to dart out and over to Hermione's foot, but the other found himself the unwitting new victim to the pixies torture and he squeaked again as the pixies ducked into the wall behind him.

Hermione knelt down and picked up the curious little puff, dusting the cobwebs from his soft fur.

"Where on earth did you come from?" she asked softly.

She was interrupted, however, by Sirius.

"Um…a little help up here!" he called, and she and Remus looked up to see him wrestling the rack of lubricants away from half a dozen pixies, trying in vain to catch the stray vials as they rocked dangerously over the edge.

"Library!" Hermione shouted, guarding the pygmy puff. "They won't go back in there. Let's all go back in and stay there until we've come up with a plan."

The sound of Sirius's boots on the slowly-decaying wooden stairs was the response they got, and Hermione felt herself sandwiched between both men as they pushed her into the library, making sure the pixies didn't follow before they closed and locked the library door. Hermione made sure she didn't squash the small creature in her palm, still curious about where it had come from.

Once they were sure the door was closed, the three of them stood there for a moment, panting.

"Remind me to send down a momentous amount of pain on the twins when we see them tonight," Sirius said, stowing his wand and collapsing in the armchair.

Remus grunted his agreement, nursing his shoulder where he had been hit by imposingly large rubber object they had initially pulled from the box in amusement and awe. Said object was now in the hands of the devilish pixies and from the sound of it, was being thrown around haphazardly within the delicate walls of Grimmauld Place.

Both Remus and Sirius cringed as they heard the heavy 'thud' of rubber on wood within the walls somewhere in the house.

Hermione was too busy to respond to the noises around her as she ran around the room, her wand making broad sweeps of the walls as she warded it heavily against the evil blue creatures that could be heard zooming up and down the hallway waiting with cackling glee for them to come back out.

Once she was thoroughly satisfied with the wards she had put up, Hermione turned her attention back to the ruined room that sat before her. She repaired the table as best she could, siphoned up her ruined potion, and scorgified her cauldron, all in one sweep of her wrist.

"I suppose I will have to start again," she sighed, staring at the rest of the room with a look of disgust. The delicate antique chairs that had sat regally around the library table were overturned, several books that had been pulled from the shelves for her reference now lay in tattered ruins, and from the looks of things, even magic wouldn't be able to remove the potion stain that now sat garishly in the centre of the worn carpet.

"You would probably have had to anyway," Sirius said, giving her a wry grin. "Who knows what Fred and George could have planted in it while you weren't looking."

At the mention of the Weasley twins, Remus gave a low, feral growl. It was then that Hermione noticed he was holding shoulder, his arm limp at his side.

"Oh God," she said, her eyes widening in maternal worry as she rushed over to him, her hands hovering inches away from his injured flesh, afraid to touch him as she assessed his injury.

"I think it's dislocated. It would seem Betty is a little heavier than at first glance," he grumbled, the air of a wounded animal about him that.

"Tell me about it," Sirius agreed, running a hand gingerly over the back of his head where he had been pummelled repeatedly by the same object that had caused Remus's injury.

"Should we pop it back in?" Hermione asked curiously as she regarded her lover's shoulder, glancing at Sirius for verification.

"Merlin no! Do you want to hurt him?" he asked, before pulling his wand back out of his pocket and weaving the spell Poppy Pomfrey had taught him during their school years. It was amazing how handy it had become.

Remus groaned as his bones righted themselves and his bruises faded to nothing.

"Thanks, Pads," he said with a smile, shooting his friend a grateful look.

Hermione glanced at the werewolf, still unsure whether or not his shoulder was healed completely. Touching the joint cautiously, Remus chuckled and scooped her to his body, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close so she could see that he was no longer in any pain. Giving a relieved sigh, she wrapped her arms around his neck, laying her head comfortably upon his chest. Sharing a look with Sirius to ask silent permission if this intimacy was alright, Remus saw that the animagus seemed unfazed by the behaviour.

"What? No love for me?" Sirius joked after a few minutes. Sighing, Hermione pulled away from Remus's arms and went to plop down on Sirius's lap. The animagus grunted at the sudden weight, but would not allow her to stand as Remus, chuckling, went to sit on the other end of the couch.

"I could kill Fred and George for doing this," Hermione huffed after a few moments of silence, crossing her arms across her chest as she was wan to do when she was perturbed by something. "They could have caused some serious harm!"

"I am sure that wasn't their intention," Remus said gently, "They just happened to pick a pack of particularly violent pixies."

"First Nargles and now Cornish Pixies...of all the things…" she said softly, shaking her head so her curls flew in Sirius's face. She didn't seem to notice as Sirius spluttered, brushing her hair from his lips.

"I thought Nargles didn't exist," Remus teased.

"They don't. I was just stating…oh!" she cried, remembering something. Both men watched her curiously as she stood and walked toward one row of shelves by the door. She picked something up carefully and turned back to them.

"I think Fred and George left another one of their experiments behind," she explained, holding out the hybrid pink and purple pygmy puff for their inspection. "There was another one, but it ran away."

"I swear, when I get my hands..." Sirius said, eyes darkening at the mention of the twins before standing from the couch to look at the tie-dyed puff that Remus was now inspecting.

"Remarkable though, aren't they?" the werewolf mused. "The twins, I mean. Imagine if they used their minds for more things like this. You know, good things, instead of evil, like Betty."

"Molly would be much happier," Hermione said with a wry grin, watching the puff fall asleep under Remus's gently stroking finger before gently laying it on the mantelpiece.

Sirius had taken a step away from Hermione and Remus, surveying the room with an ill-disguised dislike and jumping slightly when a particularly loud 'bang' from the hallway caused him to draw further away from the door.

"So were stuck in here then?" he asked, turning to his two friends.

"Looks like, with only a few dildo's, some potion supplies and a pygmy puff for company," Hermione replied, a bubble of laughter welling up as the true ridiculous nature of their situation set in.

Remus grinned.

"I have eggs," he said, arching his eyebrow suggestively as he pulled the WonderWitch Pleasure Eggs from his pockets.

"Flavoured lube," Sirius laughed, nodding toward the remaining vials that sat on the couch, finding their good humour infectious. "Oh and a couple of bottles of Ogden's Finest," he added, flicking his wand at the liquor cabinet in the corner.

"Who needs the rest of the house when we have everything we could possibly want right here," Hermione joked, summoning a bottle of firewhiskey and three glasses over, levitating them at hip level as she poured three generous portions.

She charmed two glasses to her companions and joined them both on the couch, sandwiched between them.

"To Nargles!" she toasted cheerfully.

"To Betty!" Remus added with a chuckle.

"To the deaths of Fred and George!" Sirius concluded, and they all drank heartily.

Hermione turned to Sirius when she had drained her glass, looking at him with a frown.

"They didn't hurt you, did they?" she asked, bringing her hand up to comb through his hair gently.

"Only a little," he grinned. "Wanna kiss it better?" he added with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"Oh, you might have to show me where you're hurt first," she said with mock seriousness, rising to her knees to face him. Remus's head lolled to the back of the couch as he watched the pair in the familiar mating dance he had come to recognise.

"Well, let's see," Sirius said to her, his voice dropping to a low seductive drawl. "I hurt here." He pointed to a spot on his forehead. She leant over him to give it a lingering kiss.

"And here," he continued when she pulled back, pointing to a spot on his cheek. Remus smiled slightly as he saw her tongue dart out first before she treated it to a kiss.

"Where else?" she asked, her eyes shining with amusement, her hands resting lightly on his shoulders as she looked down at him.

"Here," he said, pointing at his lips. "Make it better, 'Mione."

Hermione grinned and lowered her mouth to his, brushing her lips teasingly against the wet flesh before deepening the contact. Sirius groaned, wrapping an arm around her as the other buried itself in her hair.

Remus sat back, enjoying the view of the impassioned couple. It felt like forever since the last time he had watched them – usually with no small amount of jealousy toward his best friend – and enjoyed their fiery delight of one another. Though by no means the voyeur he knew Sirius to be, it was interesting to feel what he suspected Sirius felt whenever the pureblood watched _him_ snogging Hermione – a mixture of jealousy and arousal.

"Remus," Hermione said, her full lips slightly puffy from the intense attention Sirius had given them. "You were injured too."

Remus smiled slightly, his body reacting as Hermione crawled along the couch over to him, throwing a leg over his hips and settling herself on his growing erection.

"Yes," he said softly. "But nothing a little kiss or two won't cure."

Her eyes burning into his, Hermione lifted her hands to the buttons on Remus's shirt, her fingers deftly unbuttoning them as she leaned in and gently kissed the tip of his nose. He let out a sharp breath as her warm hands slid beneath the fabric, the pads of her fingers teasing his nipples before running up and down his sides.

"Poor baby," she mumbled, kissing down his neck and over to his formally-bruised shoulder, leaving tiny butterfly kisses before lapping lightly at the hollow just above his joint. "Must make it better…"

Remus groaned, his hands not bothering with preliminaries as he pulled her shirt over her head before crashing his lips against hers, his fingers running up her bare back to unclasp her bra. Her lips didn't leave his as she let him remove it from her, tossing it to the side and barely registering that Sirius had to duck in order for it to miss him.

Sirius took that as a cue to join the couple, and he moved from the couch so he was kneeling behind Hermione's body. Grabbing the bottle of _Tingle Me Softly_ which had stayed – blissfully – unbroken on the carpeted floor, he moved Hermione's tangle of hair over her shoulder before opening the bottle and tipping a small amount onto his hand. Rubbing them together, he smiled slightly as he felt the liquid warm before slowly running his fingers up Hermione's back.

The witch purred.

Both men shared a look as the woman between them let out sounds that neither of them had heard her make before as Sirius – completely aroused – continued to knead her shoulders softly. She let out soft cries and they watched as goose bumps formed on her skin.

"Remus…" she whispered hoarsely, her head tipping back, showing the werewolf her ivory neck.

The older man did not have to be urged twice as his lips descended upon her flesh, kissing and nibbling, his body shivering as her hips bucked involuntarily upon his. He could feel her nipples, taut and straining, against his chest and as he dipped down to take one pebbled peak into his mouth, she gave a strangled cry and a strong shudder, gripping Remus's biceps as she orgasmed.

Sirius could stand it no longer and as her head tilted back again, he claimed her mouth in a hot, bruising kiss. She responded with vigour, her arms leaving Remus's shoulders to wrap around her sable-headed lover's neck, baring her breasts to Remus's pleasing tongue. Remus smiled against her skin, sucking her nipple with a renewed energy, one nub exiting his lips with a tiny 'pop' as he moved to the other, his erection twitching in his pants as she purred again from the touch.

Then he jumped.

One of the eggs in his pocket had started to vibrate – he was at a loss as to how it had started – and he could feel it against his skin. Hermione seemed to feel it against her thigh, as she gasped against Sirius's lips and seemed to shift her hips closer to the feeling.

Remus smirked.

Taking the egg from his pocket, he caught Sirius's eye – which was glancing with some curiosity at them despite his lips still being attached to Hermione's – to make sure that his friend would sufficiently occupy the witch's attention while Remus did what was needed to continue with his plan. A nod of understanding passed between them and Remus quietly grasped his wand and spoke a silent _'Divesto!'_ on the three of them, effectively ridding them of their clothing.

Hermione barely noticed until she felt something against her folds and before she could breathe, the most delicious sensation was pulsing against her clit and she was arching her back and moaning.

"It reads what the witch needs," Remus explained to Sirius when the animagus looked slightly worried. "She may be sensitive to _our_ touch, but if this is working correctly – and I think we can both agree that it is – she shouldn't be feeling any pain at all."

"Will you two shut up and fuck me?" the witch growled, twisting her body, pulling one leg off of Remus's hips, turning around and lifting herself back over him so that she sat with her back against his chest, his arms wrapping around her hips, the egg still clutched in his hand, pressing against her. Now facing Sirius, she kissed him as the egg worked a brand of magic that she would have to thank the twins for later.

Lifting Hermione's hips again gently without removing the egg, Remus groaned as he slid inside the witch, his stomach clenching and unclenching as he felt the vibrations against his cock. Her walls – getting used to his girth – were massaging him as the egg massaged her clit and he didn't even have to move to feel the shiver of pleasure run up and down his spine.

"Oh shit…" Hermione moaned, starting to undulate her hips upon Remus's, gasping as he followed her movements with the egg. Sirius watched her, his cock straining from lack of attention as he watched her breasts bounce and her cheeks flush from the attention the egg was treating to her and the feeling of being filled by his best friend.

"God you're gorgeous," he breathed before catching her lips, his hands running up her sides and cupping her breasts before running his tongue down her neck toward the luscious bouncing globes. Her hands on his face, however, stopped him.

"Stand up," she demanded, her breath coming out in short puffs as she rode Remus. "And give me the bottle."

Slightly confused for a second, Sirius realized what she was talking about and handed her the bottle of _Tingle Me Softly_ as he stood in front of her. Watching her pour some in her hands, he understood a split second before her hands were on him what her intentions were.

"Holy fuck!" he shouted, throwing his head back as her hands on his cock instantly felt like he had three pairs of hands stroking his cock and he couldn't help as he thrust his hips into the sensation over and over again. Her movements were clumsy and uncoordinated, but it didn't matter, the feel of the potion and the sight of her complete enrapture was enough to have him cursing and shuddering.

"Oh God," Remus groaned from behind them, his hips bucking into her wildly gyrating body, his lips latching on to the side of her neck, one hand clutching at her breasts as the vibrations grew in intensity.

Hermione whimpered, her whole body covered in fine goose flesh as both men thrust and cursed around her, adding to the whole experience the potion allowed them. Sirius reached out and gripped two hand-full's of her untamed curls, tugging until she leant forward, wrapping her lips around his straining cock.

She suckled the tip and continued to move her hands as his knees buckled and he came with an echoing shout that seemed to bounce back off the shelved walls. The taste of his release, the sounds of his approval and the feel of the man beneath her, surging repeatedly, proved to be all too much.

"Remus!" she cried, gripping Sirius's hips, leaning hard into the toy between her legs as the man in question lost control and thrust hard in to her. Her fluttering walls slammed down and restricted his movement as her eyes rolled back in her head and she stopped breathing for a few moments, her body finding the sweetest release she had ever experienced.

Remus made a choking noise behind her, his head resting against the middle of her back, letting her inner muscles draw out his own orgasm. He wrapped both arms around her, holding on for dear life as he shot spurt after hot spurt of release in to her.

After an infinite amount of time, she finally released her death grip on Sirius, collapsing against Remus. The animagus's knees finally gave way, as he dropped to the floor between their legs, turning his head to rest against her thigh. The pleasure egg had stopped its movements without any of them noticing.

"That was..." she finally panted, her eyes closed, her body limp.

"Something else," Sirius mumbled against her leg, his breath raising the small hairs and causing a residual shiver to course through her.

"The twins a going to be rich," Remus agreed.

"Well, richer," she chuckled, unfolding her legs that were starting to cramp, letting them rest over Sirius's shoulders.

"Wonder what else they have been keeping from us," Sirius said after another lapse of silence, when he wasn't sure the pair above him were awake.

"Not right now, maybe later," Hermione yawned absently, turning in Remus's arms, sliding her hips down in to the cushions and settling in to his side. Sirius managed to pull himself up on to the couch, finding his friend already asleep. Remus's wand lay to the side where he had used it earlier to remove their clothes, so Sirius picked it up and turned the couch into a bed. Remus's head hit the pillow hard and Hermione giggled, but the man didn't wake.

"What a morning," she sighed, settling between her two men as a series of loud thumps sounded outside in the hall. The cackling of the rogue band of pixies was followed a moment later by Crookshank's loud yowl.

"What a weekend," Sirius mumbled in agreement as he watched the dying fire, but soon forgot all about the invasion of magical creatures in his house in favour of sleep, realizing hazily that it had been awhile since they had heard any scratching.

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

Or maybe not.

* * *

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